Liquid Assets

Wednesday

Sitting in my pyjamas feeling a bit saggy around middle but decidedly chuffed about my new hormone-improved assets, I perused the online news for the day with my pot of tea. Interesting opinion piece in the Independent outlining how the Shabaab powers-that-be in parts of Somalia have a new target for their concerns over female morality. The brassiere.

Apparently, a woman has been publically whipped for the heinous crime of wearing a bra. Her bra-wearing antics have been deemed un-Islamic as it is a form of fraud and deception. 'Huh?' I hear you say. Well, apparently by squeezing our little puppies into the restrictive elastic of the brassiere, we are defrauding potential husbands by letting them think we have something more pert than is actually the case, hidden beneath the layers of heavy black fabric that is designed to 'protect' us from the stares of lecherous men unable to control their desires.

How are these women of disrepute being caught, I hear you ask. By being told to shake their boobies in the street by the (male) morality police protecting the easily offended boob-watching suitors of southern Somalia. If they are not (i) naturally pert [frankly, to have bra-pert breasts without the bra usually requires surgery, arguably more of a contravention of the trading standards act that a mere slip of lace edged elastic] or (ii) flat and low slung like the rest of us mere mortals, then its off for a spot of public flogging for bringing the good name of Somalian women into disrepute.

Now, I understand the thinking of 'modest' attire for women of the Islamic faith - or any other theological persuasion come to think of it - I don't necessarily agree with covering myself up when men get to parade around as they will, but I respect people's choices and that it reflects certain perceptions of morality. But surely even the most pious must question whether the prohibition of the brassiere (hidden beneath considerable layers of figure-denouncing sweaty fabric) is taking the idea a bit too far and perhaps opens the debate as to whether this niqab/burqa concept is actually more about controlling women than it is protecting and respecting them.

Me? I'm off to M&S to purchase a new bra - one that fits my newly rotund assets and to ensure their milky roundness is suitably attired to protect against increased hormonal aching whilst modestly accentuating the new found cleavage that many women would pay good money for - and whilst they're pert enough to show off (let's face it, post-lactating it'll be downhill....all the way to my knees).